Apparently, my previous post made some people uncomfortable, and I began to think yesterday that I really need to make an effort to not make people uncomfortable with my writings.
I have gotten so used to, and comfortable with, my childhood and the nightmare of it that it truly does not bother me (I speak publicly at seminars and trainings and public events) and I forget that it can be very uncomfortable for others when I suddenly just whip out a memory willy-nilly and throw it out there.
But, then I think...avoidance is what prolonged the torture.
Avoidance is what allowed my mother and several other adults in my young world to ignore the signs and allow the abuse to continue unchecked for more than ten years.
Silence (mine), the inability to use my voice, is what allowed the abuse to continue beyond the very first time he touched me in an evil way.
Avoidance and silence are what perpetuate the cycle.
I speak out knowing and understanding that I will make people uncomfortable. But it needs to happen. If we ever have a hope in hell of stopping this epidemic, survivors need to speak out. We can no longer bury our heads in the sand, pull the covers over our heads, or close our eyes and count to ten hoping that when we open our eyes again the boogeyman will be gone.
How can I remain silent when I know that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys WILL BE sexually abused before the age of 18? I can't. Not and be able to live with myself.
If, by my speaking out about what was done to me and the nightmare I have lived, I can save even ONE child, then I know I have done right.
When I teach the class called "Stewards of Children" (check here for more information: www.darkness2light.org) One of the first things I have participants do is fill in a worksheet with the names of four girls and six boys in their lives that are under the age of 18. Most of the time, they have no idea of the reason for this until about 15 minutes into the program. Then I see the shock and horror on their faces when they make the connection. That makes it personal.
No one is immune. Child sexual abuse crosses all boundaries; social, economic, race, religion. No one is immune.
So, I will continue to periodically relate the story of my life as an abused child. All I can hope for is that someone will read a post pertaining to that aspect of my life and it will send up a red flag in their minds. All I can hope for is that once that flag is waved, they will find their voice and refuse to succumb to Avoidance and Silence in order to protect that child.
That said; I apologize if some of my posts make you uncomfortable. I have no desire to hurt anyone. Nor do I wish to alienate the few regular readers that I have. (all four of you)
But, as long as I know that there are children living in fear and shame, I will continue to speak out in an effort to save them. I have to.
How can I not?
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Avoidance & Silence; That's the Easy Way
Posted by Lonestar Gal at 4:25 AM
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6 comments:
Absolutely do NOT stop posting this stuff. It needs to be said.
I frequently post about abuse and neglect and need to much more.
Thanks for the reinforcement M!
I agree! I was silent for more then 30 years and I refuse to be silent anymore.
The posts that I have read give me a different perspective on my own life. I realize that while I had it rough there were people out there who had it a whole lot worse. It helps me to feel more comfortable putting my own story out there and also keeps me from having a pity party.
those statistics are horrifying.
I try to keep a watchful eye on my kids and If for one second think there will be someone I don't trust around I don't let them go with their grandparents.
My family is full of deniers and even though several of the children were molested 20 and 30 years ago.the parents still associate with the molesters and pretend it didn't happen.
It makes me sick and I refuse to be around it.
Hammer,
I think the hardest part for me is the fact that several of my brothers and all of my fathers family, despite being aware of what our father did to me, still associate with him.
It makes me sick and furious at the same time. I really want to bitch-slap them all.
I read the post before this one so I could understand what might be making folks uncomfortable. It's an unpleasant subject and it will always make someone uncomfortable to hear about it. You keep on talking and being heard. Keep on reaching out. I admire you for your strength in being able to speak about it and for doing what seems like a lot of work in trying to help others. Good for you. Never silence yourself again. Tough realities in life are always going to make some people uncomfortable but those realities will always be there.
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