Wednesday Weirdness

WW #25

1. If you could only eat one fruit for an entire year and that fruit would magically be in season and ripe that full year, which fruit would you choose and why?
I would have to say Cantaloupe. It has always been my favorite fruit.


2. What is something that makes you sad?
Seeing the sadness and wariness deep in the eyes of an abused child.

3. What would you do if you came home from an extended vacation and found that someone else was living in your house?
Freak out completely!

4. What US President, alive or otherwise, would you like to have dinner with?
hmm. Tough one. Probably Barack Obama.

5. What is your opinion on multitasking while driving? (Reading a book or work documents, changing clothes, fixing hair, applying make up, shaving your face, et cetera)
Ummm... Pull them over, kick their ass, then take away their right to drive!


6. Do you ever multitask while driving? If so, how often would you say you are guilty of it?
When I am driving, I am driving. Period the end. There are too many multi-tasking morons on the road trying to kill me for me to do anything other than pay complete attention.

7. Do you tend to be early, on time, fashionably late or LATE to work and work related events? Do you tend to be more or less punctual for non-work related events?
It makes me crazy to be late for anything. If I am going somewhere I have never been, I tend to arrive 15-30 minutes early to give myself time to find the place. Otherwise I have to be at least five minutes early, even if I just sit in my car and read until it is time to go in.


8. What is a quirk your significant other has that you would define as "cute"? If you have no SO, what is a quirk you find cute in a potential SO?
He will stop and shake his booty at me or lift a corner of his shirt just enough to expose a bit of belly as he is walking through the room in a silly sexy pose.

Tagged!

So, I have been Tagged! Here goes:
Seven random/weird facts about me:
1} I can't stand to wear necklaces, they make me feel like I am being choked.
2} No matter how tired I am, I can't fall asleep at night if I have not read at least a few pages in a book.
3} I adore giving gifts but feel very weird receiving them.
4} I am always nice to the Jehovah's Witnesses that come to my door to pass out tracts. I smile and say thank you, then throw them away so that I don't hurt their feelings.
5} I never say no when kids come to my door selling things for school or clubs, even if I don't need or want anything, or am broke.
6} If I had the room, I would adopt every stray or abused dog I found. Including all the dogs at the Humane Society and the pound.
7} I think snakes are cool, and almost bought a python when I was a teen.

Okay, who to tag?

Undomesticated
Stepping over the Junk
Bad Dogs and Such
Hammer
Mo

hmmm.. sad, I can only think of five. Ok, if you read my blog, consider yourself TAGGED! Just drop me a comment and let me know so I can check it out!

YAY ME!!

I got the job!!!
I am once again a contributing member of society! YAHOOOO!
So, I will be working with abused kids, abused women, single moms, etc... pretty much being a jack-of-all-trades.
Pretty cool, huh?
I start tomorrow morning, and since the training session is in a city about an hour and a half away, and I have to drive through downtown DFW during morning rush, I have to get up at the butt-crack of dawn in order to make it in time.
Anyway, I am very excited and can't wait to get started.
Thanks to all who crossed their fingers and prayed for me!
Maybe now I will have some good stuff to write about... working with kids, I am certain that zany things will happen daily.

Nothin'

There is literally NOTHING blogworthy happening in my life. That is really sad.
W.H. has been sick with a nasty cold for several days, and I am working like hell to NOT catch it.
As you know, when I had a life and a career and left the house every day I had things and thoughts to write about.
At the moment, during this mind-numbing time when I never leave the house except to get groceries, have not yet found a job (thanks to the damn republican government for totally fucking up the economy) I rarely have anything worth sharing.
Although I do have one interesting thing to note... I emailed my resume and references to the rape crisis center, the domestic violence shelter and the child advocacy center here. Not only did no one respond with a job offer, but nobody even tried to recruit me as a volunteer! I think there are some volunteer recruiters out there that are REALLY not doing their jobs! I would have been all over that resume like white on rice trying to snatch up someone with my background and qualifications as a volunteer. oh well. Not everyone can be as awesome as me as a volunteer recruiter... **snicker**

Wrestling Season Begins...

Well, its that time again boys and girls.
That time of year when several nights each week and every weekend are booked up for the next several months. When free time and sleeping in on a chilly Saturday morning are naught but a faint, wishful memory. When loading into the car at 4:30 in the morning to drive several hours to spend 8-10 hours sitting on hard bleachers waiting for that six minutes of excitement and hopefully, glory. Hour after hour spent in a hot, humid gymnasium filled to capacity with sweaty, smelly young men giving their all; coaches yelling in the corners, parents screaming from the stands, whistles blaring, buzzers buzzing and bleacher butt reigns supreme.

Yes. You know what I am talking about, don't you?

You've got it: High School Wrestling season.
My son is a wrestler.
I personally have been involved with High School wrestling for nearly 26 years, as my younger brothers were wrestlers in school, and now coach wrestling.
My sons both were wrestlers, and both began when they were about four years old.
I have spent a very large part of my life in wrestling rooms.
I love it. Every year I am excited for the start of the season. Every year I am sick to death of it by the end of the season.
I tend to adopt the guys on the team whose parents can't be bothered to attend meets. W.H. and I score matches, run the time clock, work the head table, run concessions, roll mats, clean up blood, stock the coaches hospitality room and feed the team.
In other words, we are involved.
I can't understand parents who don't get involved... why have kids if you are not going to be involved?
Anyway... for right now, I am excited for the start of the season. I can't wait for the whistle to blow on D's first match of the season. I think he is going to do really well this year.
I just pray for the safety of all our wrestlers... especially mine.

About Me

Copied this meme from m's blog at Rumblings and Bumblings.
The Bold are true….

Appearance:
- I am 5′4 or shorter.
- I think I’m ugly.
- I have many scars.
- I tan easily.
- I wish my hair was a different color.
- I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
- I have a tattoo.
- I am self-conscious about my appearance.
- I have/I’ve had braces. honestly, I wish I had gotten them as a child, I REALLY need them!
- I wear glasses.
- I’d get/have gotten plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free, scar-free.
- I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
- I have had more than 2 piercings.
- I have had piercings in places besides my ears.
- I have freckles.

Family/Home Life:
- I’ve sworn at my parents.
- I’ve run away from home.
- I’ve been kicked out of the house.
- My biological parents are together.
- I have a sibling less than one year old.
- I want to have kids someday.
- I have children.
- I’ve lost a child.

Embarrassment:
- I’ve slipped out a “LOL” in a spoken conversation.
- Disney movies still make me cry.
- I’ve snorted while laughing.
- I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
- I’ve glued my hand to something.
- I’ve laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
- I’ve had my trousers rip in public.

Health:
- I was born with a disease/impairment.
- I’ve had stitches.
- I’ve broken a bone.
- I’ve had my tonsils removed.
- I’ve sat in a doctor’s office with a friend.
- I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
- I’ve had serious surgery.
- I’ve had chicken pox.

Traveling:
- I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.
- I’ve been on a plane.
- I’ve been to Canada.
- I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
- I’ve been to Japan.
- I’ve been to Europe.
- I’ve been to Africa.

Experiences:
- I’ve been lost in my city.
- I’ve seen a shooting star.
- I’ve wished on a shooting star.
- I’ve seen a meteor shower.
- I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
- I’ve pushed all the buttons in a lift. I'm guessing that means elevator
- I’ve been to a casino.
- I’ve been skydiving.
- I’ve gone skinny dipping.
- I’ve played spin the bottle.
- I’ve crashed a car.
- I’ve been skiing.
- I’ve been in a play.
- I’ve met someone in person from the Internet.
- I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
- I’ve seen the Northern Lights.
- I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
- I’ve played chicken.
- I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
- I’ve eaten Sushi.
- I’ve been snowboarding.

Relationships:
- I’m single.
- I’m in a relationship.
- I’m available.
- I’m engaged
- I’m married.
- I’ve gone on a blind date.
- I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper.
- I have a fear of abandonment.
- I’ve been divorced.
- I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
- I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
- I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
- I’ve kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality:
- I’ve had a crush on someone of the same gender.
- I’ve kissed a member of the same gender.
- I’ve had sex with someone of the opposite gender.
- I’ve had sex with someone of the same gender.
- I’ve had sex with more than one person at the same time.
- I am a cuddler.
- I’ve been kissed in the rain.
- I’ve had sex outdoors.
- I’ve hugged a stranger.
- I have kissed a stranger.
- I have had sex with a stranger.

Honesty/Crime:
- I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
- I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
- I have lied to my parents about where I am.
- I am keeping a secret from the world.
- I’ve cheated while playing a game.
- I’ve cheated on a test.
- I’ve driven through a red light
- I’ve witnessed a crime.
- I’ve been in a fist fight.
- I’ve been arrested.
- I’ve shoplifted.

Drugs/Alcohol:
- I’ve consumed alcohol.
- I smoke cigarettes. - Quit smoking July 6th - Yay me!
- I smoke pot.
- I regularly drink.
- I’ve taken painkillers when I didn’t need them.
- I’ve taken cough medicine when i wasn’t sick.
- I’ve done hard drugs.
- I’ve been addicted to an illegal substance.
- I can’t swallow pills.
- I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.

Mental health:
- I have been diagnosed with depression.
- I shut others out when I’m depressed.
- I take anti-depressants.
- I have had an eating disorder.
- I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
- I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
- I’m addicted to self harm.
- I’ve woken up crying.

Death:
- I’m afraid of dying.
- I hate funerals.
- I’ve seen someone dying.
- I have attempted suicide. - well, thought about it at least!
- Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
- Someone close to me has committed suicide.

Random:
- I can sing well.
- I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
- I open up to others too easily.
- I watch the news.
- I don’t kill bugs.
- I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for sake of being able to rhyme.
- I swear regularly.
- I am a morning person.
- I paid for my mobile phone ring tone.
- I’m a snob about grammar.
- I am a sports fanatic.
- I play with my hair.
- I have/had “x”s in my screen name.
- I love being neat.
- I love Spam.
- I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day.
- I bake well.
- I don’t know how to shoot a gun. -but I intend to learn!
- I am in love with love.
- I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
- I laugh at my own jokes.
- I eat fast food weekly.
- I believe in ghosts.
- I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
- I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.
- I am really ticklish.
- I love white chocolate.
- I bite my nails.
- I play video games.
- I’m good at remembering faces.
- I’m good at remembering names.
- I’m good at remembering dates.
- I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
- My answers are totally honest…okay, so wtf is the point if they're not...

A Day in the Life... of an Incest Survivor

So, what does it mean to be an incest survivor? SURVIVAL.

I survived. I am a survivor. That's what I do...whatever life throws at me, I survive.

I did whatever I had to do each and every day to survive that day, to live to see the next day. No matter how degrading, abhorrent, or painful...I did what I had to to survive. I am proud of that. I was strong, and I survived. I am also ashamed of some of the things I did to survive. Ashamed, deeply ashamed of what was done to me, of the loss of myself as a person, of the loss of my voice.

But, now I am beyond those days. I am over it. Right?
Am I?
Will I ever be?

To this day, even married to a wonderful, loving, caring, understanding man, whom I love dearly and deeply, I have a very hard time with intimacy. Emotional intimacy, physical intimacy... It doesn't matter.
I prefer to be alone.
Alone is safe. Alone is peaceful.

I guess, after so many years of having to worry about and cater to my fathers "needs', that I just could really care less about spending the rest of my life worrying about anyone else s needs. For example; I could very happily live the rest of my life without sex. Truly. I might masturbate on rare occasions to relieve stress or pressure or whatever, but, sex with a partner.. uh uh. Don't need it. Really pretty much don't want it. And feel VERY pressured to "perform" as it were when my husband is in the mood. Does he pressure me? NO. Not knowingly. The pressure is entirely my childhood haunting me. In other words, its all in my head.

Knowing and understanding that does not make it easier. Knowing that does not make me enjoy sex.

So, what's the answer? And, as long as I live feeling this way, am I truly a survivor?

I wonder if I will ever truly get over my childhood. Will I ever be capable of giving to my husband as he deserves? I wonder if I will get past it once and for all.
Which really and truly pisses me off beyond words. It happened. For a long time. It was terrible. But... IT'S OVER!! So, why the hell can't I get over it already? Why can't I suck it up and deal? Why can't I just relax and enjoy touching and being touched?

Why must I always fight and fight and fight this internal battle with myself whenever I feel that my husband wants sex? Weeks of putting him off, making excuses, hiding the real feeling of utter panic. Finally giving in when I get to the point that I feel completely pressured and frustrated with the need to give him what he needs. I feel resentful. Angry. Ashamed. Frustrated. Irritated. Why can't I get past this?
He does not deserve this.
He deserves someone so much better and healthier than I am.
I wish I were better.

Baaaaaaad Blogger!

I have been a BAD blogger recently. I owe a great big apology to the five or six people who read my blog fairly regularly. So....

Can you forgive me???
My life has just been so damn BORING lately... I have logged in to write so many times over the past couple weeks, yet nothing comes to mind. I am suffering from the dreaded "Brain Blank" Syndrome. I look at the screen, and my brain goes blank. Very, very frustrating, I must say.

I spent today designing some new jewelry pieces... I am hoping to be able to sell my line through a couple small gift shops here near the metroplex. So, to that end, I am working to build my stock of custom, one of a kind designs up to a level that I can set an appointment with a retailer and get in there. Wish me luck!
Maybe I will post some pictures of some of my designs so that you can see what the heck I am talking about. Here ya go... a couple bracelet and earring sets:



I also design complete sets of necklace, bracelet, earrings and anklets... Just whatever pops into my brain when I sit down with my tools.
Above is a fun, funky earring design that I thought would be awesome for the 18-26 year old range, or older than that if the lady is not afraid to make a statement!
Below that is an amethyst glass and cloisonne bead bracelet and earrings set with goldtone accents, and an amber marchesite stone bracelet and earrings set with goldtone accents. Anyway, just wanted to let you see what I have been up to this weekend.
We really did not get hit too badly by Ike, thank God! But I pray for those folks down south of us that got slammed...Hope you are back on your feet very soon!

Sorry for lack of posts, my mother is visiting

Yes friends and neighbors, big momma is here!
My mother is visiting from upstate NY, and I have not had much computer time since last week. She will be visiting through Saturday, so I will likely be fairly scarce until then.
Be safe, happy and healthy till we meet again!

TMI Tuesday on Wednesday!

You find a fairy. With a wave of their wand they can change anything for you.

What is the one thing you would change about your body?

My weight. I need to drop the equivalent of an 8 or 9 year old child. I want my pre-childbearing figure back. Weight loss is difficult for me due to the rheumatoid arthritis, makes it very difficult and painful to work out.

What is the one personality trait you would change?

My temper... Little things make my fly off the handle, but I am calm with big things, so I guess it's not SO bad... but still.

What is the one thing about your job you would change?

Not HAVING one! SOMEBODY hire me for goodness sake! I am REALLY good at what I do, and am very hardworking, reliable, conscientious, organized and nice! What's a gal gotta do?!

What is the one thing about your home you would change?

I’d make the master bath bigger. I’d love a nice big bathtub and a separate stand up shower big enough for two. I’d basically just like more ROOM in there.

What is the one thing about your Significant Other you would change?

His hearing loss from his time in the Army. Gets frustrating having to repeat over and over. Otherwise, he is pretty much perfect for me!

Who is the one person you would poof out of your life and why?

My brother-in-law. For reasons I can't share here.

Who is the one person you would poof back in and why?

My friend Magdalena who just vanished. I will always miss her. I loved her like a sister and it hurt me deeply when she just disappeared from my life.

Yawn

So, my life is amazingly boring at the moment. I am not yet working, and I don't know anyone here yet, so the sum total of every day involves housework and cooking, with an occasional bike ride or dog walk thrown in just to break up the monotony.
This would be why I have not posted anything recently, and have been pretty much slacking at my blog.
My brain is atrophying.
I can feel it.

I have not yet sunk to watching soap operas or the Lifetime Movie Network, however, so there is hope for me yet!

I am waiting to hear back from a job interview that went amazingly well at a job that fit my skill set like a custom made glove. Cross your fingers for me?

I love Texas, and especially love our new house, but If I don't get out of this house SOON, I am going to completely lose it. Total meltdown. I am already getting to be a crabby witch just from the lack of money earned, work completed, conversations had... etc...

AAARRRGGGHHHHH!

Poor Sportsmanship

Did you see that?!? The Swedish wrestler just threw his bronze medal on the ground and stomped away! His coach, his team, and his mother should all line up and bitch-slap that boy!
My son threw his headgear once after he lost an important match.
Once.
I frog-marched that boy out of the gymnasium to the hallway and laid it on the line for him in clear black and white plain english.
Son, if you EVER pitch a fit like that again, it will be the LAST time you EVER step foot on a wrestling mat again. You lose a match, you shake hands with and congratulate your opponent on a good match, shake the coaches hand, leave the gym and then, when you are totally alone, you can be angry and upset. But, and hear me clearly, don't you EVER, EVER display your temper or upset in the gym again. It makes you look like a poor sport, makes your team look bad and reflects poorly on your momma. You really don't want to reflect poorly on your momma.
Poor sportsmanship really pisses me off, in case you were unclear.

Olympics 2008

I LOVE the Olympics.
I love watching the best athletes in the world compete to determine the very best in the world.
But, I especially love that there are winners and losers.
In general, those that have the most talent, work and train the hardest and longest, and have the most heart and guts win. Those who don't, lose.
In our country today with its suburbs and soccer moms, apparently winners and losers have been done away with.
Let's not hurt little Johnny or Jane's feelings by telling them that the other team was better than them and they lost.
Let's not encourage them to work harder, train harder, and become resolute and focused... let's instead have them play a game with no purpose, no goal, no chance to become exceptional.
My sons began team sports at age four, when I could no longer keep them off a wrestling mat. They were both attending their uncles wrestling matches from newborn age. When my oldest son turned four, my brothers were coaching a pee-wee wrestling group, and talked me into allowing J to participate. I thought he was too young. But, finally, I gave in, and I must admit; it was the best thing I could have done for my son. So, D was allowed to do the same, and today wrestles Varsity at his high school.
Allowing him to participate, practice, learn, train and gain confidence were awesome to watch. It was hard to watch him lose a match. But, whenever he would lose, after the match he and I would talk together about what had happened during his match and what he could do next time to perhaps do better. Sometimes, he had to accept that the other wrestler was just simply better than him! Horrors!
I must be a terrible parent to allow my son to be faced with the fact that sometimes people will be better than him at something. That sometimes he will lose. The other guy will win.
And he will just have to suck it up and deal.
Wonder what would happen to the Olympics if there were no winners or losers? If the officials just stood all the athletes at the podium and said "you were all awesome! nobody won, nobody lost!"
blech.

Guns, Bullets & Teachers

So, as I said in a way earlier post, now that I live in Texas, I intend to learn to handle weapons; most especially a handgun. So, W.H. (being all for my learning how to protect myself) looked around and found a gun range near our new home, and we went and checked it out tonight.
The range is only about 20 minutes away and I love it! No frills, no fuss... just a shack from which to rent lanes and weapons & buy ammo, and three sections of shooting lanes; handguns, rifles, and shotguns. I can't wait.
W.H. was Army, and rated "expert" in weapons, so he will be teaching me the basics. I fully intend to take the "Beginning Handguns" and "Concealed carry" safety classes eventually. For now, I just want to get to a point where I don't jump to the ceiling every time I hear a gun fire.
I will also be test firing several calibers of handguns to find out which one suits me best. On the recommendation of both W.H. and the range guy, I will be beginning with this:
A .380 caliber handgun. The guy handed me one to get a feel for this evening, and I liked how it felt in my hand... not too heavy, but not a lightweight either. Now I just have to see how it feels to fire.
Which I will be doing Tuesday evening! YAY!
Between me, W.H. and the range guy, we decided that since I am SO very gun-shy (watching your father try to blow mom's head off will do that every time!) It will be better for us to come to the range on a Tuesday evening when it is pretty much empty, and I can concentrate on learning gun safety, and not be reacting to so much gunfire.
I am really looking forward to it for several reasons.
Firstly, I need to overcome this irrational fear of guns. The GUN did not try to kill my mother. My FATHER tried to kill my mother, and a gun was simply the tool he used to make the attempt. Could have just as easily been a cast iron skillet.
Secondly, I really am concerned with the direction this country is taking. Neither candidate should be allowed to run a playground recess, much less our country. And when the big bad comes knocking on our country's door, I want to be able to defend my home and family.
And Thirdly, I want to be able to protect myself. I want to be able to walk from a store to my car without worrying about the rapist behind me. I want to do whatever I can to protect myself from the depravity of my fellow "humans".
But, I am not a fool. I also want to be safe FROM the tool I have selected to protect myself with. Therefore, I am becoming "grasshopper" and taking lessons from the master.

Books, Books, and more books!

A gauntlet has been thrown down by "Biped Employing Opposoable Thumbs" http://auspiciousnovice.blogspot.com/.
I am waiting to see how this list was chosen, but please see below:
Not Particularly a "Worm"

Biped reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books printed.
1) Bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own blog.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo


Ok, so I have not read nearly enough of the classics, but frankly, a lot of the classics are simply boring. And don't think that just because I have read a lot of the classics that I am a snob! LOL! Far from it... I just love to read.
As far as the meme instructions go, I am unable to underline anything, but I did love many of the ones I have read! Anyone else out there a reader?

Anybody want to buy a house in Ohio?

For Sale:
Lovely four bedroom, 1.5 bath home with eat in kitchen, living room and family room. Many updates including newly remodeled family room with custom built-in floor to ceiling bookshelves and entertainment center wired for surround sound and designer paint!
Appliances include dishwasher, newer stove, refrigerator, dehumidifier in basement.
Great home set on one full acre property in the country! Many mature trees on property.
Call TC Wood Realty at 419-947-8015 to inquire about viewing the property located between the towns of Ashley and Cardington, Ohio. Cardington-Lincoln School District.
Go to www.tcwoodrealty.com to find listing # 2827944

It was a great house, in a great town, with a great school in a town with nice people. Now I just REALLY want to sell it!

My Life... Part 7...Living Terror

I know I have not written anything in this series for a while now; things were getting pretty heavy there for a while and I needed to take a break from the memories.

After that first night, my father began fabricating reasons for us to be alone. He would send my mother to the store, making her take my brothers with her. He would need me to accompany him into the woods to gather deadfall and kindling, etc...

Always, the moment we were alone, my father would be touching me, or making me touch him. He taught me how to masturbate him to ejaculation, then the proper way to perform oral sex for the most enjoyment for him. He taught me a lot.

I also learned never to say no. Never. Bad things happened to my mom when I said no. Her bruises were my fault because I tried to say no, told him I did not want to have sex, did not want him to touch me.
I hated it; every moment... in my mind, I wanted to vomit. My body though, that was another story entirely. It liked it. He would touch me in ways that I somehow knew was wrong and bad, and yet, I would have an orgasm. I felt dirty, ashamed, and I wanted to die. I must be a terrible person because otherwise my body would not like the things he did to it.
The older I got, the worse things got. The more my body developed, the more he wanted to show it off to his buddies in the bar. He bought me skimpy tops, made me remove my bra, and took me into the bar for an afternoon. I spent probably a complete year of my life in bars over the years with my father. Hour after hour, day after day. Exposing my developing body to drunken, leering men.
There was no escape.

I'm Back!

Ok, I am back, and will make a valiant effort to get back into the blogging daily habit! I have really missed this.

So, in the new house, which I LOVE, by the way, we have the floor replaced and the laundry machinery moved in finally... next is to finish the bathroom! Due to the extent of the flooding, we had to rip out the vanity, toilet, cupboard and floor completely. We are still working on getting all the sticky crap off the floor from where the old peel n' stick tile was left under the pergo floor!

I have a job interview set for Monday morning, YAY! Keep your fingers crossed for me! It is with a non-profit agency in Garland, and is considerably more money than I was able to earn in Ohio, so that would be lovely.

Let me know how things are for everyone out there... I promise to catch up on my reading as soon as possible!

Not a deserter, I promise!

Hey all out there in the blogosphere... I know you think I have disappeared off the planet, but NO! I am here in fry an egg on the sidewalk hot Texas! But, alas, I am having issues with my pc. It maintains its cool for about five minutes, then overheats and shuts itself off.
So... Hopefully I can snag some time on W.H.'s pc tomorrow evening and create a real post and catch up on reading those that I hold dear.
Don't give up on me!
LG

If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have none at all!

My family is cursed. Somewhere throughout history, my family did something so heinous as to require all members of future generations to have the worst luck possible. I AM a jinx. I even warned W.H. when we first started dating!
"I have to warn you that bad shit happens to me, and if you hook up with me, bad shit will happen to you too!" I was serious. I don't think he believed me...THEN. He believes me now.
Anyway, WHY am I sharing this with you now, you ask?
Monday we closed on our house. It had not funded yet (Texas closing rules are a bit strange, but you don't get the keys when you close, you have to wait until the funds have posted to get keys)
But, closing on a new house is a good luck thing, right?
But wait! There's more!
I drove out to the house to meet the seller so he could give me a set of keys that he had forgotten to take to closing, and decided to do a walk-thru of the house.
So, we went in and chatted a bit in the living room and the kitchen. Then seller left.
I walked into the master bedroom to check out the closet because I knew it was kind of small, and I wanted to figure out where to put things.
I stepped into the closet and.....
"splash"
HUH? What the hell??
I took another step.
"splish"
The entire carpet in the closet was SOAKED!
So I wandered around trying to figure things out and this is what I discovered:
The laundry hook-ups in the utility room were leaking and therefore the utility room, hallway, main bathroom and hall closet and part of the living room were all wet. Very wet.
SO.
Since the house had not funded yet, the leak and damage are all the responsibility of the seller to repair, which is a good thing because it is going to cost about $3,000!

As I said...
Shit happens to me. Wanna be my friend? HaHaHa

I've Been Tagged!

Tagged

........by Elisa

Rules:

1. Link the person(s) who tagged you
2. Mention the rules on your blog
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours…
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them…
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.

Okie-dokie, 6 quirky things about me........

1. I hate for my various foods to touch each other on my plate. Food just should not mingle unless it is gravy on something. Otherwise, no fraternizing food!
   
2. I cannot fall asleep at night unless I have read first. I can't just lay down and go to sleep; I have to read after I lay down, before I can fall asleep.
3. I have to have almost complete silence and darkness to sleep. Always have, and Cannot stand to sleep in a room with any light at all. Also, I sleep better if the room is cold.
   
4. I get really upset with my kids when they do stupid small things, but when they are REALLY in trouble, I stay calm. I don't really get it, but I keep my cool for the big things.
   
5. Spicy foods make my nose run, and some non-spicy foods as well. My family loves to tease me because Ketchup makes my nose run!
   
6. I sing like I'm a rockstar in the car, but would nevah evah sing in public. It sounds like cats fighting when I sing.

I tag: Hammer
Undomesticated
Stepping over the Junk
Bad Dogs n Such
I know I am supposed to tag 6, so if you are not on the list, please tag yourself for me, just leave me a comment and let me know... I have to run!

On Quitting Smoking

I am a smoker. I admit it. Yes, I know, I am evil and must be destroyed...well, at least hidden away somewhere that my foulness cannot infect the environs of the pure and holy. (can you see my eyes rolling?) I promise to explain the eye-rolling sarcasm so as not to offend any of my non-smoking readers.

Anyway... I started smoking at age 11. YES! 11. My older brother T dared me to try one, he was 13 at the time. Of course, as the only girl, i had to be as tough as the guys or face torment and torture or getting the shit beat out of me... so, I tried it.

Took to it right off. Never coughed, choked, didn't turn green or get sick...just sucked in that sweet, sweet nicotine and felt the wonderful rush. I managed to steal cigarettes from my parents for more than four years before being caught. Dad smoked Pall Mall non-filters and paid less attention to how many he had in a pack, and since he was usually drunk, he was easy to snag from. Mom smoked Benson & Hedges 100's. Lady-like cigarettes.

Once I got to junior high school I could sneak off campus with my new friends (the burn-outs) who left campus every day to go smoke a couple blocks away. Then I would use my lunch money to buy a pack of Marlboro's. I quit hanging with that group when I realized that I was starting to be known as a "burn-out" too... and since they also smoked dope during lunch, that was a no-no to me. But, I kept on smoking.

Fast forward to today. I am now 40 years old and have smoked for one-third of my life. Because I am ADDICTED.
Yes friends and neighbors, I am a nicotine junkie.

I have tried many times and many ways over the years to quit.
I have tried the patch, the pill, the filter, the step-down cigarettes. Nothing has worked for the long term. My longest non-smoking time was two years.
Just know though, that the second I was told I was pregnant, I put the smokes down during my entire pregnancy, then smoked outside after the baby was born. Smoking was MY choice, not the baby's.

However, our story does have a semi-happy ending...
I am now in Day 7 with NO CIGARETTES!

Yes! Seven entire days with no smoking... and I have not killed anyone, either! Haven't even been particularly bitchy... and I owe it all to this stuff:
Stonewall Hard Snuff...comes in three flavors, Cappuccino, wintergreen and regular. Very yummy stuff, no yucky spitting or other chew-like habits, and lets you wean yourself off tobacco without bitchiness, murder or mayhem.
I absolutely recommend this stuff if you wanna keep the nicotine but get rid if yucky smokes.
I am actually only using it when the craving gets really really bad... because I want to get rid of the addiction as well as the smoking... but a friend uses them in place of cigarettes.

On a side note: Do'ya think I could have perhaps found a MORE stressful time in my life to quit smoking???

Anyway...I need another cup of coffee...

It's Hot

The first thing anyone needs to know about Texas... It's daggone hot! and Humid! My poor anti-frizz shampoo doesn't stand a chance against the Texas humidity.
But,
Texas is lovely. The people in Texas, for the most part, are very nice, friendly and welcoming folk. I think we will be very happy here.
Oh... have I mentioned the bugs? Lots of bugs. LARGE bugs. When they say "everything's bigger in Texas"... they mean it. Even the bugs. Ick.
The trip down here was fairly uneventful...very long, but not bad since the dogs were tranqu'ed and slept much of the way.
Not sure W.H.'s kidneys will function well for some time after bouncing his way from Ohio to Texas in that big moving truck though. But, it's all good.
Guess that's all for now... talk to ya soon.

WE HAVE A HOUSE!!!

YES, friends and neighbors! We put an offer on yet another house the day before yesterday, and it was accepted! WOOO HOOOO!!!! Booty Shake!
So, hopefully, within the next two weeks we will be moving into our new home in Northeast Texas!
Thanks for the welcome all! I really hope to get back to regular blogging very soon,
and promise to catch up with everyone in my own personal blogosphere as soon as possible!
Be well and happy 4th!
Have you hugged a soldier today?

We have arrived...homeless, but in Texas!

Yes boys and girls, we have arrived in Texas!
We are currently homeless, staying with my in-laws for now, hopefully able to move into our own place within two weeks.
YES... two weeks.
Have I ever mentioned that the home buying process is a pain in the butt?
Anyway, I will post more about the trip later. For now, Just wanted to say "Hey Y'all" and hope everyone out there in the blogosphere is having a grand time.
Happy 4th everyone!
Make sure to thank a soldier on Friday!

Moving day

Ok... so, I am surrounded by boxes, and must weave my way from one end of the house to another.
We pick up the moving truck tomorrow morning and begin loading up our lives, ready to face the new adventures awaiting us in sunny Texas.
Therefore, my computer will be broken down and packed up tomorrow.
We are spending the first night in Jackson, Tennessee, then pushing on to Dallas the next morning. I have doggie tranquilizers in my purse with which to drug the dogs into sleeping for a portion of both days. Unfortunately, the drugs only work for 4-5 hours, so the first part of the day will be peaceful, the last half a nightmare. (have i mentioned that my dogs DON'T travel well?)
I will try to post from the hotel the first night... but we will have to see how that goes.
In the meantime, everyone be awesome, be happy, be safe.
Look out Texas, Here I COME!! YEEEHAWWWW!
Y'all come back now, ya'hear?

Six days and counting!

Yes folks, only six days to the big move to the great state of Texas!

Let's take a moment here to check the status of things regarding our transfer:
Our house is NOT sold yet. (A couple has expressed interest in assuming our mortgage though...keep your fingers crossed, pray, dance naked under the full moon... whatever you do, please do a lot of it!)
We have NOT closed on our house in Texas. (Damn Bureaucrats!)
I am NOT finished packing yet. (Procrastinators Unite!... Tomorrow)

AND.....I am sitting here posting on my blog instead of packing boxes.

The picture is just cuz' it tickled my funnybone.

I REALLY need to get busy...C'mon L.G., the moving truck arrives in THREE DAYS!
Nope... didn't work. Maybe later.
OK... here I go.
I'm movin' now.
Hoppin' too.
Really.

My Achin' Back!

Today was filled with all kinds of fun, exciting things to do!
First, last night and this morning, Wonderful Hubby (hereafter to be known as W.H.) and I pretty much had to dismantle the entire top part of the engine of my car to get to the broken Tie-Rod and replace it. Then I had to change my brakes, cuz they began grinding like mad on Thursday. And, YES, I did the work... and I have the broken thumbnail to prove it!

My next project was to mow our one acre lawn. Just picture dust, grass flying everywhere, sunburn and sneezes violent enough to cause me to wet myself. Loads of fun.

Then, this afternoon my friend came over and we painted the last room in the house that needed painting before we move next weekend. I WAS planning to box up most of the kitchen today also, but W.H. forgot to pick up another roll of bubble wrap for me when he went to Menard's today.

Then at about 6:00 this evening D walks in as I was giving serious thought to dying, and his face was white as a sheet.
"Mom, a deer just hit my car. I was on my way home and after I made the turn onto our road, this big ass buck jumped out from the ditch and hit the side of my car. It's wrecked"
"Watch your mouth please, and are you okay?" I asked (must have priorities here!)
"Yea, I'm fine... pretty freaked out though. It wasn't there! Then BAM!" (Which, if you have ever hit a deer, is pretty much EXACTLY how it happens!)
So I went out to look over the damage to the 1987 Nissan 300Z (which W.H. still drives (drove) back and forth to work until we move, then D was going to own it) and sure enough, it is pretty messed up. Apparently, the deer hit the drivers side front quarter panel, bounced out, then hit just behind the drivers door and slid down to the back bumper. Essentially the entire drivers side is wrecked, including the mirror (which is gone completely) except for the door. SO.
That vehicle will NOT be making the trip to Texas with the family. It is on its way to the happy junkyard in the sky, and we will give sonny the money from that so that he can combine it with what he has in the bank and get himself another vehicle once we make the move. W.H. is on the road again. Only this time he is headed west to Illinois. He left about an hour ago to take his boys back to their moms house. Ahhhhh... peace and quiet. Bliss.
Tomorrow I plan to go pick up the bubble wrap I needed today, and also some lumber so that I can build a new front stoop for the house, since the one we have is made of brick and falling apart. We are down to having only ONE room left to finish... hopefully we can get the drywall up monday and tuesday. I will mud it as we go along, and then the new owners, whoever they eventually end up being can slap some paint on it.
I am SO over this house. I can't even tell you. Have you ever seen the movie with Tom Hanks and Shelly Long "The Money Pit"? Yeah.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend...I need to go find the Ben-Gay.

Sad

Today is a sad day.
Today I became officially unemployed as I left my wonderful job in preparation for the move.
All my coworkers took me to a local Mexican restaurant for a lovely lunch, and went around the table each sharing something special about me that they appreciated.
According to them I am:
Very caring, dedicated, passionate, energetic, friendly, compassionate, devoted, assertive, a good listener, empathic, genuine, honest, organized, have a good sense of humor and a bizarre life that I share with amazing stories.

Then they handed me two bags of gifts; a book, a lovely CD, an absolutely gorgeous blown-glass ball with an adaptation of the "tree of life" in the center for our new home and a relaxation candle.
Each person had written a lovely message in the card. I felt so appreciated and loved.

I started at the crisis center as a volunteer Sexual Assault Response Advocate five years ago. A little under one year ago they hired me to recruit, train, and manage the volunteer program as well as spearhead the launch of the Stewards of Children child sexual abuse prevention program.

Now I need to break out my resume, dust it off, and hope like hell I can find another agency half as wonderful in Texas as the one I was part of here in Ohio.
I truly love these people I work(ed) with. I have made many lifelong friends, and I am sad to be leaving them.
I know that there are new adventures waiting for me in Texas... but for today... I am sad.

My First HNT

Okay... I am taking the plunge. But, not really... Just dipping a finger in to test the water. Because of my past history, I tend NOT to reveal a lot of skin... so, bear with me as I start slowly here. Plus, taking my time and showing teeny tiny bits gives me more time to get closer to my weight goal! ;o)
So, anyway...there is also this meme that fairyflutters did today, and I thought I would add it to my post as well. That's below.

Raw “I”s

I am: Frustrated with trying to buy a house from 1200 miles away.

I think: that I am a great mom.

I know: that I am smart and capable of accomplishing anything I set my mind to.

I want: to finally make this move to Texas happen and get it over with.

I have: Rheumatoid Arthritis.

I wish: that I didn't have Rheumatoid Arthritis.

I hate: that I let myself get this much overweight.

I miss: holding my children when they were babies.

I fear: spiders. Big, small, hairy, nekkid, doesn't matter. If it has 8 legs... GROSS!

I feel: tired, stressed and a little lost knowing that I will be unemployed as of noon tomorrow.

I hear: the movie my step-son is watching.

I smell: my shampoo cuz' my hair is in my face.

I crave: a romantic weekend away with my husband.

I search: for a new job in Texas.

I wonder: if anyone knows that I am not as confident as I appear.

I regret: not going to college after high school.

I love: reading a good book.

I ache: for relief from the chaos that is my life at the moment.

I am not: happy to miss Thanksgiving with my family this year due to the move.

I believe: that I will lose weight this time!

I dance: rarely but slowly with my husband in our living room.

I sing: Alone in my car because it sounds like cats fighting when I sing.

I cry: rarely.

I don’t always: give myself credit for being a good person.

I fight: to end violence against women and children.

I write: because I love words.

I win: because this wonderful man loves me.

I lose: the ability to think straight when I get very angry.

I never: get enough sleep to feel rested.

I always: love my family.

I confuse: my stepchildren.

I listen: when a survivor talks and needs to be heard.

I can usually be found: reading or writing something.

I am scared: of spiders. Didn't I already make that clear? Sheesh! ;o)

I need: to finish packing up the house.

I am happy: when I am holding my husband's hand as we are walking along.

I imagine: the day when hubby and I have some time to ourselves.

Now it's YOUR turn... give it a try, it really makes you think.

This is SO Awesome!

Today marks an amazing day in American history.
Finally, love is accepted in all it's many forms and members of the GLBT community are allowed the same rights as the rest of us Americans.
YAY!
Up yours GWB with your constitutional amendment!
In case you have no clue what the hell I am referring to... Today marks the first day that gay marriages are legally recognized in California.

Ok... I feel the glares and daggers being aimed at me already. C'mon people! I work in the Social Work field, what do you expect? ;o)

I personally have no problem with homosexuality. In my life and in my career, I have seen more vicious abuse and destruction on the part of "traditional" marriages than I can relate to you, and have seen more true kindness, caring, and love between gay partners than I have personally witnessed in any marriage save my own to my wonderful hubby.

I believe that Love, wherever it is found, whether in a traditional marriage or a gay marriage is something to be celebrated, especially in a world so filled with hate and violence.

Ok... I'm ready... let the snark begin should you feel it necessary to castigate me for my sinful and liberal ways.

Avoidance & Silence; That's the Easy Way

Apparently, my previous post made some people uncomfortable, and I began to think yesterday that I really need to make an effort to not make people uncomfortable with my writings.

I have gotten so used to, and comfortable with, my childhood and the nightmare of it that it truly does not bother me (I speak publicly at seminars and trainings and public events) and I forget that it can be very uncomfortable for others when I suddenly just whip out a memory willy-nilly and throw it out there.

But, then I think...avoidance is what prolonged the torture.
Avoidance is what allowed my mother and several other adults in my young world to ignore the signs and allow the abuse to continue unchecked for more than ten years.

Silence (mine), the inability to use my voice, is what allowed the abuse to continue beyond the very first time he touched me in an evil way.

Avoidance and silence are what perpetuate the cycle.

I speak out knowing and understanding that I will make people uncomfortable. But it needs to happen. If we ever have a hope in hell of stopping this epidemic, survivors need to speak out. We can no longer bury our heads in the sand, pull the covers over our heads, or close our eyes and count to ten hoping that when we open our eyes again the boogeyman will be gone.

How can I remain silent when I know that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys WILL BE sexually abused before the age of 18? I can't. Not and be able to live with myself.
If, by my speaking out about what was done to me and the nightmare I have lived, I can save even ONE child, then I know I have done right.

When I teach the class called "Stewards of Children" (check here for more information: www.darkness2light.org) One of the first things I have participants do is fill in a worksheet with the names of four girls and six boys in their lives that are under the age of 18. Most of the time, they have no idea of the reason for this until about 15 minutes into the program. Then I see the shock and horror on their faces when they make the connection. That makes it personal.

No one is immune. Child sexual abuse crosses all boundaries; social, economic, race, religion. No one is immune.

So, I will continue to periodically relate the story of my life as an abused child. All I can hope for is that someone will read a post pertaining to that aspect of my life and it will send up a red flag in their minds. All I can hope for is that once that flag is waved, they will find their voice and refuse to succumb to Avoidance and Silence in order to protect that child.

That said; I apologize if some of my posts make you uncomfortable. I have no desire to hurt anyone. Nor do I wish to alienate the few regular readers that I have. (all four of you)
But, as long as I know that there are children living in fear and shame, I will continue to speak out in an effort to save them. I have to.
How can I not?

A Letter To My Father On Father's Day

Neal,
Happy Father's Day dad.
How does it feel knowing that you will not get one single card today? Not one phone call? How does it feel to know that you were so drunk and vicious and horrid that not one of your five adult children gives a shit if you are alive or dead?

What you did to my four brothers and my mother was horrible enough. But what you did to me, your only daughter. There are not words in the English language to adequately describe what you did to me. But, finally, I need to try, and you need to know. So, if you have any balls at all you will read to the end. I doubt you will. You truly have never given a shit about anyone other than yourself. You ARE shit. You are pure evil, and you are the only person on the face of the planet that I truly wish I could kill. But, I can't. Because I am better than you. I am stronger than you. You are nothing, and not worth my time.

You are a vampire sucking the life from everyone around you. You are a taker. You took innocence from me. You took the joy of childhood from me. You took my world, my life, and made it this dark, ugly place of fear and terror and filth. You made me dirty. You made me want to die. You made it almost impossible for me to ever have a healthy, normal relationship with a man. But I am stronger than you, and I now have an amazing, wonderful life in spite of you.

I will not write about everything you did to me in this letter, but dear God, You AUCTIONED your 17 year old daughter off to a room full of drunks and were proud that you got a sick fuck to offer you a month's salary for one night with your DAUGHTER! Your child. The person you were supposed to protect. Then you came back and told me about it with pride in your voice. I wanted to vomit. Even today, so many years later, I want to vomit whenever I think of that night at the Norwich Fair. I guess I can be happy that at least you did not follow through and force me to allow myself to be raped by more drunks than you.

It has taken me 20 years to get to a point where I can consider myself healed of you. I will never be whole. You took too much from me for me to ever be whole again.

Are you proud? Do you look back on the years of my life with you when you taught me so much about true evil and have fond memories?

Do you sleep at night?

Do you enjoy spending Fathers Day knowing that there is not one person on the planet who will shed a tear at your passing?

Do you look forward to your eternity in Hell? I do. I know that nothing I can do here and now will ever touch you or make you feel bad for what you did. But, I can look forward to the day I get a call telling me that you have died, and I can know without shadow of doubt that you are where you belong. In Hell. Burning for eternity. Feeling the terror and shame of your victims.
I will do what I have to to attend your funeral. I will spit on your grave. I will spit on you.

I only hope that I can see you one more time before you finally free the world of your vileness. I will spit on you.

Happy Fathers Day Asshole.

500 Miles & a Creepy Truck Driver

I drove 500 miles today, a trip I have made many, many times in the past eight years. I hate this trip.
When I left my ex-husband, I moved the boys and myself 500 miles away. He was mean to them, and it was escalating to what would very soon be violence.
I grew up abused, no way in hell was I going to allow that to happen to my kids.
So, I packed them up and moved 500 miles away from anyone or anything I knew. When we arrived in Ohio, I did not know a single person.
But, I hoped that with the distance between them, the boys dad might be nice to them when he did see them. For the most part, it has worked.
However, several times each year, I make the trek to the halfway point to take the boys to spend time with their dad.
I hate that damn trip.
I don't know if I have ever mentioned before, but I don't like to drive. Not because I am a bad driver, but because there are so many morons on the road.
They irritate me. Somebody does something monumentally stupid behind the wheel and the She-Hulk puts in an appearance.
I rant.
I rage.
I pound the steering wheel.
My face turns an unflattering shade of red, flames shoot from my eyes, smoke from my ears, and I grind my teeth to sharp little nubs.
And it's so bleeding boring!
Hours and hours just sitting, staring at the road, watching out for aforementioned morons, road construction, and tractor-trailers.
Today on my way to pick D up from a week at his dad's, I had a creepy trucker experience. Have you ever had one of these?
Fifteen miles from the house at about 6:00am this morning, a humongous orange rig pulls up beside me, and matches my speed. I look over and there is this fairly normal looking guy smiling at me and giving me "thumbs up".
I smile and wave, then return to focusing on my coffee and keeping the beat with the oh so talented Freddie Mercury and Queen. (The BEST band EVER, and I was heartbroken when he died).
As I switched CD's to the amazing Sarah MacLachlan, I realized that Mr. Trucker dude was STILL matching my speed, but now pulling slightly ahead on my right and waving to get my attention. When I looked at him, he made the "ok" sign with his thumb and forefinger, winked and got this really big, creepy smile on his face.
Then after a while of this (several miles), he grabbed a piece of paper, and fanning himself mouthed "your so hot". Still grinning like a loon.
Okay.
Now, lets look at a few facts, shall we?
I had been awake for exactly 45 minutes after about four hours of sleep. I was on my first cup of coffee and I am a 40 year old chubby chick, with my hair scraped back into a braid, no makeup, and a "comfy" dress designed to not make me want to rip off all my clothes and run screaming through the truckstop after being in the car for many hours with no A/C.
One word covers todays look quite well: EWWW!
HOT never even entered into the same solar system as me today.
And still, this trucker continued this charade for an hour and a half! This guy needs an intervention. Or a cell. Not quite sure which.
So, by this time I was fairly well creeped out, and when I saw a sign for a truckstop, I decided rather quickly that the time had come to end my lurid trucker affair, and dashed off the offramp, double checking that he did not follow.
Several hours later after I had picked D up from his dad and we were back on the road heading home, I told him about the trucker.
His response?
"Ya know mom, that guys probably a perpetrator".
I had to stop the car to wipe a tear of pride from my eye.
The only reason I could think of for the guys bizarre behavior was my bumper sticker.
You see, I have a sticker on the back of my car that reads "Well behaved women seldom make history".
So, all I could surmise is that this Neanderthal read this sticker and instead of correctly interpreting that I am slightly feminist and refuse to "know my proper place" as a woman, he probably read it and thought "Woo Hoo! a bad girl! I could get lucky today".
Ick.
Creep.

FINALLY!

YAY! We finally got the seller's lender to agree to providing an engineer's report on the foundation of the new house!
What that means is that we may actually close on said new house some time this fricking century!
We were originally supposed to close May 15th. Then it got moved to May 28th. Then to June 16th. Hopefully we will actually be able to close before we load up the moving truck on the 28th!
Yes, we are scheduled to leave on June 28th because of hubby's job.
So, there is a fair potential for homelessness in the very near future. Has anyone ever tried living with three people and two big dogs in a Hertz moving van in Northeast Texas? Was it comfy?

Meanwhile, back at Gal Central, things are in fair upheaval. Today I plan to go through all the boxes that we just filled with stuff and stuck in the garage when we started the demo on the office a few weeks ago.
I plan to donate a lot of stuff to the free store, but, if I recall correctly, there is a lot of junk to be thrown away.
Perhaps if the rain stops long enough I will get to dance naked around a big fire in the backyard.

Graduation Day

It's been a very busy week, therefore, posts have been lacking.
Sorry about that.

Graduation day went just about as I had expected. I got up at 6am and started cooking for J's party. Between stirring four pots on the stove and chugging coffee like a stevedore, it was a busy morning.
The ceremony began at 1:30, and when the processional started and the grads walked into the room, I started to cry of course.
I know so many of these kids. Most of them have been to our home at one time or another. I have watched them grow from 8th grade midgets to adults. There were actually only about five to ten that I did not recognize. Many of them are my children by other mothers.
Hubby teared up right alongside me, (sorry honey!) although very manfully controlled the flow. (there. happy now?) He has raised these boys for the last eight years and loves them as his own. He was so proud of J., and has the blurry pictures to prove it. (Did you know that when you try to take pictures through tears, what you think is focused actually is not?)

J's father, step-mother, their new baby and grandmother came out for his graduation. I have no idea how I managed to be married to this man and his mother for so many years.
Anyway, their new baby is adorable. He actually looks a lot like D did when he was an infant.
Very cute.

The party went great, except for the fact that as usual, I made WAY too much food. We have been eating leftovers all week.

Off the Grid

Sorry for the lack of posts. Things have not been interesting, just really busy.
Back to it soon, I promise.

Milestones

It's here. Finally. Yet way too fast.
J is graduating from High School tomorrow.
Wasn't he just born last week?
Time has gone by so quickly. He has grown from my beautiful little 8 lb 9 oz baby to this large, hairy wonderful man in a matter of days it seems.
Of course, as an honest woman, I must admit that some moments have seemed that time has stopped completely. (You know those times, the terrible twos, the mouthy teens, etc... ya know, times when you completely understand why some animals eat their young)

J is this amazing person, one who will get out of bed in the middle of the night to help a friend. Someone who will stop at a broken down vehicle to help the stranded person. Someone who will go pick up a friend that has had too much to drink at a party, and bring them home for me to take care of. People know that they are safe with him, that they can trust him. That alone makes me proud to be his mom. That alone makes all the frustrations worthwhile.

Tomorrow will be a very emotional day for me. For the last half of my life, he and his brother have pretty much been the focus of my life. I have been to countless football games, wrestling matches, track meets, teacher conferences, spent nine days at the beginning of football season dragging myself to the school every morning at 5am to feed the football team breakfast and lunch while they participated in the "nasty nine". Nine days of living at the school as a team.
Being available whenever, wherever, and however they needed me to be.
It was always the most important thing to me that my boys know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was there for them.

And now, my firstborn is a man. He is graduating high school, starting a new full-time job on Monday and moving into his first apartment with his buddies in a couple weeks.
I will worry. I will wonder. I will drive hubby nuts missing him. But, I will know that he is okay. He is intelligent, (although of course doesn't always make the best decisions) he is strong, he is independent, and he is wonderful.

I love this man that came from my body. At times I have loved him fiercely, been frustrated beyond words, been enraged, been completely bewildered by his choices, been enraged. But, overwhelmingly, I have been proud.

I am proud to call this man son.